I'd Rather - M. Gray

A recent post from my friend Gretchen reminded me of a poem shared in Childbirth Education classes that I adore:

I'd rather be a mother
Than anyone on earth
Bringing up a child or two
Of unpretentious birth.

I'd rather nurse a rosy babe
With warm lips on my breast
Than wear a queen's medallion
Above a heart less blest.

I'd rather tuck a little child
All safe and sound in bed -
Than twine a chain of diamonds
About my foolish head.

I'd rather wash a smudgy face
With round, bright baby eyes -
Than paint the pageantry of fame,
Or walk among the wise.

Letters to Hootwo - Busy Body

Hey baby. You are already so much busier than your big brother. We're in for it. I'm fairly certain you know the sound of Hootoo's voice: you get your dance moves on when he's close to you and babbling. We try to explain to him that you are coming, that there is a baby in my belly and that you will be here soon, when the snow comes. He doesn't get it. He just jabs a finger in my bellybutton and laughs.

You're 31 weeks old now.  We're hosting a party next weekend in anticipation of your arrival. It's going to be great, I'm sure you'll hear the crowd and the action. You've been treating me well, that works in your favour. I'll be keeping track on who is my favourite child, so you'd better start banking points now. Hootoo has a head start. 

Love you big,
xo
Yo Mama

Letters to Hootoo - Autumn

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower. 

September and October have been full. Apple picking, Sesame Street, weekend Farmer's Markets, trips to the park. Soon we'll be en route to Amma and Afi for Canadian Thanksgiving!

You're in school full-time (most weeks) and loving it. You learn more words, new dance moves, and have a great time socializing with your friends. Wednesday is your first picture day and I can't wait to start my collection.

You sleep like a champ. Big nap at school, solid hours at night at home. It's a beautiful thing.

You're growing both psychically and cognitively. You look less like a baby and so much more like a little boy. 

You make Dad and I laugh a lot. You're hardly ever terrible. 

You are obsessed with Elmo, love to wail on your drum, pluck your guitar and dance to all sorts of different styles of music. Thanks for being so awesome.

xo

Yo Mama

Welcome, Hootwo!

Mama's opting for a home birth. Come January, Hootwo will be born in the comforts of my own living room. Why? Because I can. Because I should. Because my mind and body scream to make this choice for us.

The journey from this decision is just beginning. I've decided to put this plan out there so that I can chronicle the timeline, the emotions and the experience. I feel independent, empowered, nervous but steady, ready, and share in the hopes of educating, encouraging other women (and naturally, so that in twenty years, Hootwo can look back and thank me profusely, and treat this Mama to a latte).

Yes.

Latest Reads:

American Association of Pediatrics Policy Statement on Home Birth

Is Home Birth Safe?

Home Births in the United States, 1990 - 2009

Listening to:
Everything in Its Right Place - Radiohead

Letters to Hootoo - Back in the Grind

I don't even know where to begin, so much has happened since your birthday post.

Let's start with you. You are quick, in body and mind: you motor when you walk, pull yourself up on chairs or on ledges that I initially think are impossible for you to champion. You have a wealth of vocabulary in sign language and spoken word. You seem to understand more of what Dad and I are asking of you, whether it be a silly question, or a warning of an undesirable behaviour. 

You go to school most weekdays and you LOVE it. You've made some great friends and are learning a ton. Your Dad and I value education, and although it's another expense, it is so worth it.

You're starting to morph into an independent little man. It's a trip, and a great lesson for Mama learning what not to sweat, and when to discipline. You blow kisses, give high-fives, can tell me what sounds farm animals make, sleep through the night, snuggle and still love Elmo, Amma and Maggie.

Life for Mama has changed, too. Child, I am so glad that you love to nap so I could enjoy a few daily moments to refuel. Things have been wild: completing my final, most difficult semester (emotionally and cognitively) of nursing school. Graduating. Studying, then passing the National Council Licensure Examination for Registered Nurses. Landing two amazing jobs at the local hospital.

My body is changing, too. I'm so excited to see you share your life with a younger sibling. You're going to be an awesome big brother. Hootwo is going to rock our world.

xo
Yo Mama

Letters to Hootoo - From Dad

Your Dad wanted to write to you, too. He wrote this letter last December and since there's been an extended vacation from updates (the next one will be a doozy), it made great sense to post it here and now. 

xo

Yo Mama (and Professor Papa)

Dear Rhys,
You entering my life has made me learn a few things. Not just how to change diapers or about babywearing. You have taught me a different kind of love that I never felt before. You have shown me a different kind of happiness that I never considered. You have also taught me that I am selfish. Yes, I am selfish because I want to enjoy every minute of you. I want you to share every smile, laugh, cuddle and tear with me. Each moment that you share with me makes me crave the next. I want to always be there for you. I want to laugh, grow and experience life with you. I want to be a part of every milestone in your life. Budding teeth, crawling and your first words are just the start. Does this make me selfish? Possibly. What I do know is that you have shown me things about myself that I never knew were possible. For this I can never thank you enough.

Love,
Dad

Letters to Hootoo - One Year!

There's no way you're one! I would just like to say to you, Hootoo, YOU'RE WELCOME. Your life rocks.

Your first birthday party was held at COESPACE. It was such fun. Your friends were there, Amma and Afi too, Gram, Adam and Annie ... you had a blast. Sweet Sarita made vegan cupcakes that were DELICIOUS. It was a little man theme: mustaches galore! We dined at Dysart's later but you missed it:

I'm so proud of you. You make Dad and I so happy. You're happy, healthy, and any fussiness is short-lived. 

I'm also proud of me. Surpassed my goal of nursing you for one year. (TMI? Deal with it, kid). We're going strong. I celebrate not because breastfeeding makes me 'badass' (language!) or a super Mama, but because it was hard work and important to your health, and we managed it together.

You have stopped smooching me, and instead plant those open-mouth-sloppy-kiss on Dad. COME ON.

For about a month, I had a few phrases on repeat:

"We don't pinch Mommy's tummy." 
"We don't bang our head on windows."
"We don't bite people we love."

Now I just say in a booming voice, "DON'T you do it!" and you know that what you're doing is wrong (because you'll shake your head 'no', adorable!) and that tickles are coming your way. Tickles = distraction and opportunity to refocus on a different, more appropriate activity. Works every time. Plus your giggle is SO CUTE.

Big milestones: you walk now, eat with a spoon, hold a sippy cup, say a few words, point to things you want, and play hard with friends. You're curious, smart and brave. 

I love you, Hootoo. Here's to another great year full of adventures! We'll start after that nap...

xo

Yo Mama

Beyond My Self - A Plea

Update: Grace, Divine, and Patrick have been fully funded! Thank you to all that contributed and committed to their care!

As you may know, I sponsor a sweet little seven-year-old in Sierra Leone, an orphan who resides at a wonderful place called The Covering. It is all possible through a non-profit group called The Raining Season. Samuela is so special and important to our family. As is the cause. As is the community.

The Raining Season is hoping to care for three children that live with cerebral palsy. Enter Grace, Divine, and Patrick. 

 

Grace and Divine are currently hospitalized, but have no one paying for medicine or food -- which means they get none. All the hospital is giving them is a bed.

Care for these orphans means helping hands, and money. Because of the special needs of the trio, two caretakers will be responsible (day and night), for providing continual care. The financial cost works out to fifteen sponsors per child at $40 per month, much more than the 'standard' orphan intake.

Talk to your family. Rally with your coworkers. Consider monthly sponsorship or a one-time donation with intent toward these three babes. The donation form is online at http://bit.ly/14obejs, and in the Notes section write 'Grace, Divine and Patrick'.

Connect with advocacy@therainingseason.org, check out their website for more information, or let me know of any questions! 

June is my birthday month. You know what's on my list. Please please please.

Letters to Hootoo - Ten Months

You have grown so much in the last month, cognitively and physically. You are standing, and walk with assistance. Your new favourite thing is a musical activity walker. It gives you a jazz accompaniment as you motor around the living room. You babble a lot, as though we're understanding the words coming out of your mouth. Your sleep patterns have been changing, thanks to new teeth and new developmental milestones. We're all still snuggling in the family bed and it's working for us. You don't sleep through the night but the two or three times you wake, it's short-lived and you most always fall back asleep within minutes. I can't believe I've begun to think about planning your first birthday party.

Things are crazy for me, little Hootoo. Wrapping up school, going to work, loving on you and your Dad -- it all adds up. Sometimes, I feel guilty for not giving you my whole self. Sometimes, I'm tired, unfocused, and impatient. Not myself. You seem to know when I'm at my worst, and will put your head on my shoulder or move in for one of those slimy smooches. You are happy to be with Dad or Adam and Annie, and make us all laugh when you burst out in giggles, or push out that patronizing laugh that I LOVE.

You seem to be doing more with your left hand. You keep us guessing on that. You have been eating so much more new food and loving it: black olives, bacon, chic pea patties, bread, strawberries ... you are not finicky and I love that.

You are so handsome, fun-loving and happy. I hope it sticks. I love you!

xo
Yo Mama

Euthanasia - Lord Byron

When Time, or soon or late, shall bring
The dreamless sleep that lulls the dead,
Oblivion! may thy languid wing
Wave gently o’er my dying bed!

No band of friends or heirs be there,
To weep, or wish, the coming blow:
No maiden, with dishevelled hair,
To feel, or feign, decorous woe.

But silent let me sink to earth,
With no officious mourners near:
I would not mar one hour of mirth,
Nor startle friendship with a tear.

Yet Love, if Love in such an hour
Could nobly check its useless sighs,
Might then exert its latest power
In her who lives, and him who dies.

‘T were sweet, my Psyche! to the last
Thy features still serene to see:
Forgetful of its struggles past,
E’en Pain itself should smile on thee.

But vain the wish — for Beauty still
Will shrink, as shrinks the ebbing breath;
And women’s tears, produced at will,
Deceive in life, unman in death.

Then lonely be my latest hour,
Without regret, without a groan?
For thousands Death hath ceas’d to lower,
And pain been transient or unknown.

“Ay, but to die, and go,” alas!
Where all have gone, and all must go!
To be the nothing that I was
Ere born to life and living woe!

Count o’er the joys thine hours have seen,
Count ‘er thy days from anguish free,
And know, whatever thou hast been,
‘T is something better not to be.

180.

My week rocked. It started rough: feeling bummed after a FaceTime date with my parents. They live so far away and it would be awesome to have them closer. I think that's a true sentiment for any new parent. If you have brothers, sisters, a Mom, a Dad living with or in close promixity to you, you really are LUCKY. I felt like Hootoo was missing out. Families do family things, and the rest of us have ... us.
Then Andy experienced a heavy moment where he really missed his Dad. I realized that LUCKY was HAPPENING. Because my parents are here, alive. Engaging with their grandson. Calling and texting their daughter. Family in Korea and New York LOVE him, and Hootoo knows and feels this -- regardless of distance. We also have friends that ARE family, in this house. This awareness changed my whole week.

My week rocked:
Midweek playdate with a new old friend, a like-minded sassy Mama that I admire in a variety of ways.
Quiet, hour-long drive in the blistering snow on back roads with a contented, snoring baby in the backseat. Coffee included.
Breakfast, conversation and movie fest with my hoaloha.
Connecting with a BFF over email.
A little pampering. Resurrecting the millenium mohawk (Version 2.0).
Listening to Hootoo cackle. Watching him stuff graham crackers and banana bread in his face. Gnaw on strawberries. Grin and snarl.
Singing Jesu, Jesu with understanding.
Hearing an affirming, and inspiring message. Being back in this setting and feeling comfortable. Open. Peaceful.
Anniversary, and hot date with my hot husband.
Having the best friends as housemates.

You know, everyday stuff.


Snarl.

The look of love.

Letters to Hootoo - Be Mine

Happy Valentine's Day, little man! We're at that point now where you've now lived more in the world than in my womb. Man, does your age ever show. You're transforming into a boy, and seem less baby. You wear separates. You shriek your mind. You grind your teeth. You pull yourself on toys, couches and can walk a distance with a little bit of help.

You're super studious with things that catch your attention. Wooden puzzles, musical books and certain foods. The wheels are turning and it shows. So cute.

Love you big, not just today but always.

xo
Yo Mama

Sweet Samuela

Not so long ago, my sister from another mister began her journey to sponsor children from Sierra Leone, through an organization called The Raining Season (TRS). I've been glued to her experiences and loving on her babies from afar ever since. Short version: Megan is awesome. Megan connects with TRS and begins the process of adoption of four, beautiful babes at the orphanage. Shares her adoption story and builds awareness of the 120 orphans living at The Covering. Megan meets awesome man in their home state. Gets hitched in West Africa, four babes at their sides. Heaven rejoices. Dance party ensues.
Two weeks ago, I decided to put up and become a sponsor. I connect with Megan and other staff members at TRS.
One week later I'm staring directly at a beautiful face. Enter Samuela.

Over Skype, I hear her exclaim, 'I love you!' I learn more about her: her age, some favourite things.
Listen to her little voice sing Joy, Joy, Joy.
She's written me a letter. A LETTER. TO ME. I can't get my hands on it soon enough.
Friends from TRS tell me she's a pistol. YES. A girl after my own heart. Peas in a pod.

Samuela has already changed my life -- our lives -- more than she could ever know.
Samuela, I just want to make you smile and ensure your happiness. I am so blessed to know you and be your friend!
I had no idea what that video conversation in the early morning would bring. I'm still understanding my role as sponsor, now Auntie. I feel connected and pulled toward her, and The Covering. I scour photos for a glimpse of her face. I'm excited for our adventure together, this adventure that's just beginning.

Love you, girl.
xo

Letters to Hootoo - Catching Up

Little babe, we have been having fun and living large lately -- so these are all things that I jot down as they happen so that we'll never forget these moments.

You hate tin foil.
You love your reflection.
"Dada" is all you talk about. When you're not babbling up a storm ("Here, kitty kitty" might be next), you're clicking your tongue, mimicking the sound of zerberts and waving to your fans. Hence:
You melt the hearts of ladies everywhere. Young and old.
You had two Christmases this year: one in Old Town, and one in Canada. You were spoiled with Elmos, and a Rockin' Ernie. Your uncle bought you a drum set! We Skyped with Aunt Ashleigh as she were overseas. Justin, Amma and Afi love you. We could have spent the entirety of vacation staring at you.
You sing. Dad and I will belt out matching noises on a similar pitch, in which we are rewarded with big smiles and encores.
You're crawling, and pull yourself up on -- and sometimes over -- furniture.
You still have only two bottom teeth but your ginger-flavoured alfalfa sprouts are growing like mad.
You are beautiful and handsome, but your passport photos are hilarious.
You and I both need to write Feist a thank-you letter. Metals is the best lullaby out there, and her Sesame Street appearance mesmerizes you every time.
You are happy, healthy and so bright. I am proud to be your Mama.

xo